So then I turned to my job application and the new essay questions they have added to the process. And I got stuck on how I felt about the questions so never even got to the point of writing the first word in response. At one point, I put my sandals on and went for a walk to try and clear my head but the problem wasn't a lack of clarity so it didn't actually help.
As I drifted off to sleep, I weighed the pros and cons in my head of not answering the essay questions. The instructions say they are not required and will not be scored, but what does that actually mean? The current times we are in as well as my healing journey from my divorce has repeatedly reminded me of the option of deciding not to take a particular action. I don't know if that is the right choice here or not.
It's kind of interesting how re-finding myself after the divorce has brought out in me a better alignment with my values and morals and thus a better awareness of the ways I was not in alignment. It has made me a lot more intentional about the ways I move through life. And it comes at a time that has repeatedly tested my ability to weigh consequences and find creative ways to stay in alignment. If I had still been married, I don't think I would have had that much awareness to be this intentional.
So after really struggling last evening, I went to bed feeling a bit down and like I had accomplished nothing. But I think that dismisses the value of the struggle and the analysis playing through my head. My best decisions come when I give myself some space to struggle with them. A lot of growth has come from this intentional way I'm now looking at life.
I'll figure this out and get my application submitted this weekend. And then I'll start packing up my office because whether I get this job or not, my current employer will be painting later this month and my walls are presently covered with my photos. Hopefully, my office personal stuff will be able to just stay in boxes until I'm in a new space.
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