Packing up my office

I didn't understand why I was so resistant to packing up my stuff for the painters.  I don't remember the last time I struggled so much to even start a task, especially one that really wasn't that complicated.  So the days passed by as I watched all my colleagues pack up their things and then the painters arrive on our floor and start making their way towards me.  Around lunchtime today, I was starting to panic as they painted the hallway right outside my door.

So I started with the stuff on top of my filing cabinet, a clock my dad had made me, some toy construction equipment, and a collection of mugs.  Hidden in the back was a pretty mug, black on the outside and pink on the inside.  Written on it in pink was the Mississippi River Museum and Aquarium in Dubuque.

I sat down with this mug as I turned it over in my hands.  Memories flooded back of the museum and of Dubuque.  We went there many times because we loved this museum so much.  It had a massive turtle and fish pond in the middle of the main level.  

I eventually got back to my packing and pulled out my boxes from under my desk.  When I opened the one that contained the photos of my ex-husband, hastily put away at the abrupt ending, I sunk to the floor and the tears flowed freely.  Later as I took photos down from the wall, I was reminded of the ones he helped me hang.  More tears flooded.

And then I realized that packing up my apartment was going to be even worse.  I moved in such a hurry and fog that so many things got stashed wherever was most convenient.  I know I will find things in my nightstands.  I discovered months ago that one of the albums sitting in plain sight on my shelves is the scrapbook I made of our dating years.  And I imagine there are so many other things hidden away that never made it into the box I had started to hide all my memories for a day when I was ready to decide what to do with it all.  My eyes burned with tears as I continued to pull nails from the wails and box up my photos.

Then I got word that the painters would be starting in the morning.  I was late leaving work this evening but I finished and took the time to move back my colleague's belongings that had been stored in my office into his finished office along with a box and plant of my own.

I'm calmer now as I sit her in my comfy chair at home and write this post.  Maybe I just needed to get past it and get it out of my system.  Maybe being prepared will help packing up my apartment go easier.