Restless and unsettled today

I started a post this morning at breakfast about my perhaps misplaced but long-held belief that I was an introvert that I can't finish even though I keep going back to it, tweaking it, adding to it, re-writing parts of it, etc.  Most posts I write in one sitting - they just flow out often after hours of ideas whirling in my head.  When I get stuck on one like this, it usually means something about it isn't sitting right with me.  Sometimes I go back to them later when I'm ready.  Other times, they just sit as draft posts in my blogging account, sometimes never to be touched again.  I don't know what the fate of this one will be.

I'm restless today, maybe even a bit unsettled.  I did get out briefly.  I walked to the grocery store.  I stopped to admire the Valentine's Day section, picked up some chocolates that will take me months to finish, almost bought flowers, even contemplated a balloon that said "you're sweet."  He never got me anything or did anything for me for Valentine's Day and I'm getting really good at doing things for myself so I was trying to decide what I wanted this year.

Then I found the tomato soup I recently learned is actually dairy free.  And now that I have a dairy free cheese I like, I can make a grilled cheese and dip it in tomato soup!  I haven't made it yet but it sits on my counter waiting.

On my way home, the sun shone brightly.  I smiled as I saw some of the same groups of people walking the park that had been walking when I passed through the park on my way to the store.

But then I've been home the rest of the day.  I've taken a nap, started a new book (although didn't get very far), scrolled Threads, worked on my puzzle, tried listening to my playlist, and not felt like I accomplished anything as my thoughts escaped me.  It's the start of my period so I haven't been physically comfortable either.

Maybe I'll go make my grilled cheese and tomato soup and remind myself that even on my hardest or most unsettling days this year, I am still more present, more joyful, more real, and more true to myself than I was in my marriage.