Will this friendship survive the new me?

She shows up every few months - sometimes just because I reach out although I'm doing that less and less often.  And with each re-emergence comes chaos or plans made that are cancelled and endless apologies.  She was my closest friend when the separation happened but has slowly been replaced by many others.  After the fact, I realized when in a recent session my therapist asked about who my community was, her name didn't even come up.

And it all happened again Saturday night.  A couple of hours before I headed out to the Pride Parade, she texted me and asked if she could bring her oldest to the parade.  I responded with information and she told me she would text when she got there.  More than an hour after I arrived, she texted that she was on her way and I answered more questions.  At that point, I wondered whether she would get in the way of my growth, my chance to practice my mingling skills.  But I was excited to see her.  It had been a while.

I then shared my location thinking it would help her find exactly where we were.  A little while later, she texted, "I'm really lost" without any further information for me to help her.  I didn't know how to respond.  I worried but I questioned what good that would do.  I reminded myself that there was nothing I could do and I had already sent her my exact location so her phone would be able to help her find me.

It was hard to mingle after that.  My eyes kept focused on further beyond, hoping to catch a glimpse of her.  I felt a bit of anger at her unhelpful text.  Why sending a worrying text without anything further to get help?

And then she arrived with both kids.  We didn't have a real conversation though because her daughters were running wild.  I feel like they were feeding off of her anxiety.  And then she went to find a spot to sit and watch the parade.   What followed as I waited to march off were apology texts and excuses about her nerves being so frayed and that she would be more chill next time.

From a previous conversation, she tells me she is happy but she clearly is so overextended.  I feel for her but I wonder how much of it she brings on herself.  But mostly, I'm just tired of the chaos, the inconsistency, and how little she has been there for me.  And in this moment, I realized how much energy I spent soothing her emotions, in a pattern that wasn't all that different than the one I had with my ex-husband.

At first when the separation happened, I felt a lot of sadness and so alone that she couldn't/wouldn't be there for me.  And she cancelled so many times I stopped getting my hopes up that we would actually get together.  But I kept reminding myself how much I enjoyed the times we were able to spend together.  But now?  I'm not even sure I'm enjoying the time with her.