I should have stayed in bed this morning.

I dreaded going into work.  I've mostly enjoyed my job over the past almost seven years until recently so this dread is new.  And then I foolishly started my day checking my ex-husband's Instagram - see my post from this morning to read about that.  

When I logged in at work, my laptop wouldn't connect to the network so I restarted which resulted in the blue screen of death (do people still call it that?).  After staring at the blue screen for far too long, I finally pushed the power button to force a shut down and then pushed it again to start up the computer again.  Remember this is the brand new laptop I was issued just last Tuesday.  Finally, it was up and running again but I couldn't get the speakers to work for my morning meeting.

By this point, I had no focus left.  I tried to sort through my to do lists and go through my e-mail but it felt like a lost cause.  Then we had a division meeting in the early afternoon where I got to learn of one more wedding anniversary - I'm sure confirmation bias and a bit of exaggeration is playing a role here but it sure seems like everyone has announced anniversaries of their long-term marriages in the last couple of weeks which isn't making the one I would have had on Wednesday any easier.

And then as the work day came to a close, I received an automated e-mail in my personal account that they had cancelled a job posting in my office that I had applied and interviewed for last January and February (2024) which I likely would have been selected for and even if they had decided to selected someone else, it would have at least allowed me to go back to doing just one job. I've been doing two jobs for the salary of the lower of the two positions since December of 2022 (with more work piled on in the last couple of months with people leaving).

I wasn't surprised at the content of the e-mail. They had verbally told me last year they weren't filling the position (after I had gone through the whole process) with some vague explanation that to this day still doesn't make since. But given the current political climate since this January, the hiring freeze, and increased workload because we have lost so many staff, it feels like rubbing salt in the wound to remind me of the promotion they almost gave me last year before my whole world was turned upside down.