A flashback

The fire alarm went off last night.  At the blaring sound, I looked out my window and saw four police cars lined up on my side of the building so I quickly threw on some more clothes and headed out.  

Once outside, I saw my ex-husband exit with his noise cancelling headphones on and sit on a bench just feet from the building and then bury himself in his phone.  He hates noise (although outside it wasn't very loud) and had we still been together I would have stayed by his side to listen to his complaints, validate him, and soothe him - we have been through plenty of fire alarms together (mostly at the previous apartment complex).

With that context in my head, I was a bit taken aback at how unattractive he looked.  

And then, I wandered to see if I could figure out what was going on.  I walked to the other side of the building to check out the fire truck and then I made my way around to my side of the building to see if I could see anything going on with the police there.  It was a bit freeing to dismiss any worries of him as not my problem anymore.

It then reminded me of the last fire alarm about a year ago.  He was traveling for work so I was on my own.  That one was a real fire and sprinklers had gone off in one of the units creating a waterfall from their second floor balcony.  I didn't have to worry about taking care of him then either.  

Although I remember the night ending in mixed feelings because he never checked in with me that evening as he usually did before bed.  And even though e-mails that he would have seen went out from the property manager about the fire, he never touched base with me about it.  So that evening last year, I was left feeling pretty alone.

I guess that's a positive comparison.  I didn't feel alone last night.  I just felt free and maybe a bit sad for him as it doesn't look like anything has really changed for the better for him.