Unresolved Conflict

I think I understand why seeing him on Saturday unnerved me.  It feels like part of a dynamic during our marriage over an issue he wasn't willing to talk about.  He would find some way to avoid the conflict.  Sometimes he would turn the TV on or go play a video game.  Other times, he would turn it around on me.  And sometimes he would tell me what I wanted to hear but not follow through.  And then he would become all friendly and loving as if nothing had happened at all.  

In the earlier days of our marriage, it infuriated me.  He wanted to hug and cuddle when all I wanted to do was finish the conversation.  And then I think it just became normal and a bit more subdued.  He wouldn't try as hard to try and win me over with over-the-top loving gestures but he would still go on as if nothing had happened.

In a post a few days ago, I outlined our last interactions.  We never finished any conversation about why he wanted a divorce.  I eventually just gave up and figured I never was going to get a rational explanation so let the divorce happen.

So when he was so quick with a smile for me (and today he is liking my Instagram post), it felt like he was just pretending nothing had happened despite the unresolved conflict still simmering under the surface.

I hope he is not back on this idea of wanting to be friends.  He tried to push that as we were in the middle of separating.  I can't be friends with someone who just pretends the under-the-surface unresolved conflict isn't there.  I can't be friends with someone who can't take accountability for their actions. I can't be friends with someone who can't explain to me why we divorced.