Two Questions

I kind of wish I could sit down one more time and talk to him now that we both have some distance from what happened. I recognize that I probably wouldn’t get the answers that I think would help me move forward. I’m going to have to do that on my own. But maybe I would gain a nugget of information that would be helpful. 

At this point in my processing, I think these are the questions I would want to ask.

1. Was it worth it?  Did the divorce give you what you hoped it would?  It would be nice to know that my pain wasn’t in vain.  Although I think I’m starting to see the positive for me with the end of this marriage so maybe I don’t actually need this from him.  But I still really care about him and I really hope that he doesn’t find himself living with regret over this decision. 

2. Do you see any ways you could have handled it that would have been kinder?  The hardest part for me has been the fact that he didn’t care enough to even try to talk to me before it got to the point he couldn’t overcome the resentment. To not even know how unhappy he was until it was too late destroyed any sense of trust and makes me question the whole relationship. And then for him to go so cold as he buried his emotions made it so much worse.   Add on top of that the fact that he refused to even consider what he may have done wrong and instead tried to blame the dissolution of our marriage entirely on me. There were just so many chances he had to be a bit kinder to me.

I don’t know if such a conversation would be worth it. If he acknowledged the harm he did and took accountability for it, it might help me not doubt my judgment about him so much. But is that really a likely outcome?

On the other hand, he may still have not done any self-reflection and feel justified in his actions.  In which case, I’d be left with confirmation that he is as awful as he showed me to be over the last year and it would just make me continue to question my judgment.