It's just too much.

I feel like I'm at a breaking point.  I went to bed crying last night.  There was no obvious trigger.  I think it was just the culmination of so much stress.  

This election is tearing our country apart and the damage I fear will be done by the incoming president who doesn't seem to believe in democracy or rights for women or rights for any marginalized group is terrifying.

And that fear trickles down into my job which will be affected one way or another by the decisions of this incoming president and the individuals he appoints.  I hope my office is far enough removed that we don't see the worst of the impact but it could get bad.

The timing of all that with my husband leaving me without an explanation that makes any sense also just feels like he abandoned me.  I play over and over in my head the last two decades, ruminating, trying to understand how the many I thought actually loved me could do this to me.  Or how I could have been so wrong in my understanding that he did love and care for me.  

So the grief is just amplified.  It's not just, "how could he do this to me?"  It's, "how could he do this to me in such a time where we so need to lean on loved ones to get through these challenging times in our country?"  Why now?

I feel so incredibly alone.