I stumbled across a draft note my ex-husband had written 3.5 years ago. In it he wrote, "I'm just overall an unhappy person most of the time without a lot to look forward to or appreciation for things even though I should have a lot other be thankful for." This note had nothing to do with me. It was other triggers at that time. The note went on to talk about how trapped, depressed, and anxious he felt.
Reflecting back, I can think of quite a few external triggers over the years that he dwelled on longer than I could comprehend (some even would come up many years later). I wonder if he had some of these same extreme feelings with those other external triggers.
My stomach sunk when I read it. To think that the person I loved so much and was with almost 24/7 (this was as we were coming out of the pandemic) was this unhappy and I didn't even know it is heartbreaking. It also makes me realize my ex-husband is struggling even more than I could have imagined. And leaving me is unlikely to actually solve that. And so I will probably continue to worry about him for some time.
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