And now I'm sitting in my comfy chair with soothing piano music now playing, waiting for photos to upload to my travel blog so I can make some progress on the posts for this last trip. And there is this pit in my stomach while my heart rate seems to be a bit faster than normal.
I'm re-reading the text from my friend from a couple of hours ago and replaying the short telephone conversation that followed. Her text started with "I'm sorry I've been MIA." No shit has she been missing in action for the last year and a half! Sometimes I wonder if the superficial relationship that is left just painfully reminds me of the loss of the close friendship I thought we had. Although I truly wonder if it has always been unbalanced.
She then went on to say she is struggling with some current events and asked if I had five minutes to talk. Reluctantly, I agreed. I wondered if she would use this as a chance to give me a heads up that he had gotten engaged and see how I was doing although I didn't have much hope of that. That's just not the reality of the relationship we actually have.
She politely asked about my trip before she jumped into her questions hoping I had some inside knowledge on something someone had told her. The kids could be heard in the background. The call ended with vague promises of getting together soon (promises she has made so many times) and then her saying something about needing to deal with the kids.
I put the phone down after she hung up feeling let down once again. I wondered if I should have said something more. I wondered why I kept accepting her contact every few months. And then I turned to laundry and the next tasks.
And now I sit here questioning my earlier bravado that I would be able to turn my focus all on me this weekend in this empty apartment especially as my body tells me my emotions are heightened and the piano music seems to be doing little to soothe me.
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