This morning

Last night I talked to my sister for over an hour!  We exchange texts fairly frequently but rarely talk on the phone.  Something in my texts to her last night encouraged her to recommend a call and I'm so glad she did.  I then slept really well.  There was a point around 4:30 a.m. where I laid awake for a while but eventually I fell back asleep and didn't wake again until after 7:30!  I don't remember the last time I slept that late!

This morning, I took the time to make French press coffee.  I've got a second pot started.  And in one tab of my browser, I have open my travel blog that I keep switching to and adding words to the photos I uploaded yesterday.  In another tab, I have open Facebook where I posted this morning in the 40+ divorced women's group and have a flurry of comments of support coming in.  Plus, I'm enjoying listening to the comforting, familiar sounds of the trains passing by.

One commenter in that Facebook group wrote something that really stuck with me.  She wrote, "It is hard to feel erased and insignificant. But we aren't. We showed up, we loved fully."  During our marriage he tried to erase me and make me smaller and in so many ways I let him.  Maybe this feels like one last attempt to erase me and make me feel insignificant except now I'm not accepting that erasure.  I'm not letting one person have that kind of control over me.  But old patterns die hard, it takes time to re-write two decades worth of patterns, so the pull is still there.