I think I've come a long ways. He's become that "stranger that I once thought I knew." There was a bit of curiosity as to why he looked back that second time but that was the extent of the emotions I felt.
And then I entered the main building to pick up my package. I put in an Amazon order early this week, some things just for me - a new silicone ring representing the waves of the ocean, a skirt, a teapot cozy, and a toy (and a boring meat thermometer but I suppose it can't all be fun). This was the second and last package of that order.
Life has moved on. It's crazy to think more than a year has passed since we have talked, a year and a half since he called it quits. It's been that long since the person who was my daily companion who told me he loved me every day became a stranger overnight.
He probably wouldn't even truly recognize me now, not that he paid that close attention to me when we were together. I've grown, redefined, rebuilt, recentered. I've reclaimed my own energy and poured it into myself. And I've never felt more alive. I think back to that late July day, just days after he asked for a divorce, when I walked in the rain that was coming down so hard it hurt my face as it fell. I remember savoring the fact that I could finally feel. I didn't have to shrink or minimize my emotions and experiences, although I'm not sure I fully understood this in that moment. I just remember this feeling of being alive.
That feeling of being alive has persisted. And it took him becoming a stranger overnight to fully appreciate it.
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