Would he really have been an asset in a time like this?

I hope someday in the future I look back on this time and realize I overreacted.  But in the meantime I am extremely alarmed and terrified.  The new administration is trying to dismantle our government, the very government I work for.  I get daily e-mails trying to convince me (and every other federal employee) to resign.  The news is filled with articles about all the people being fired and pushed out.  A billionaire has gained access to personnel databases and maybe financial databases.  And that doesn't even consider the things not affecting me directly like the attacks on immigrants, transgendered folks, and other marginalized groups.  It feels like we are in a really dark time.

And I will admit I feel especially abandoned.  In a time of such uncertainty about my job, our country, etc., it's hard being alone.  I often think my ex-husband and I could have weathered this better together.  It's hard not having someone to fall back on financially.  It's hard going home at the end of the day without anyone to talk to.

But then I'm reminded of the reality of our relationship.  If we were still together, it would be on me to regulate both our emotions.  It would be on me to be the stable presence.  And any attempts to try and vent or talk through what we were experiencing would be met with concerns I was somehow criticizing him.  I had long ago turned to the comments' sections of online newspapers to feed my need to interact with people on current and life events.  It was the comments' sections I went to when I need to vent or talk through life's craziness.

So the idea of a supportive partner is really appealing.  But that's not what I had so going back wouldn't actually give me that.  Maybe I'm better off.  No, I don't have the financial support should the worst case scenario happen, although I don't think my parents or sister would let me end up on the street.  But I don't have to regulate his emotions or suppress my own to not trigger him.  I can just be me and find people who will be more supportive like friends and family have been.