It's time.

It's time to stop obsessing over that which I will never be able to understand. There's a quote that keeps coming back to me.  First a friend shared it with me fairly early on in my journey.  It's resurfaced a time or two on my social media feed since and showed up in something I was reading but for the life of me I can't find it in this moment.  The gist of it is that if you get bitten by a poisonous snake you don't go chasing the snake to convince it why you didn't deserve to get bitten.

So I'm choosing not to care anymore.  His problems are his problems.  His reasons for doing what he did are his to deal with.  He can face the consequences of his decisions all on his own.  It doesn't truly matter why he did what he did.  What happened, happened and now I get to choose what I make out of it.

Notice that reframing about what I get to do.  I have been given a chance to rethink, recreate, and make something completely new.  I get to take all the lessons I learned from the two decades with him and make something new of myself.  And the possibilities are endless.

So it's time to truly reclaim my birth name and all that I want it to represent.

So this past weekend, I started with small habits.  I'm on a social media cleanse so that I can build some healthier habits on how I want to spend my time.  There's value to the community I find in social media so the end goal isn't to eliminate it.  I just want to put it in a healthier place.  I'm on day 3 of no social media with a goal of 30 days before I re-evaluate.

I'm reading again.  I'm downloading books through the Libby app and it feels good.  It's funny how I got home from my trip today and wanted to finish my book before I even started looking at my photos or working on my blog.

I want to get out and do more hiking - the exercise, the fresh air, the connection with nature, the chance to birdwatching, etc. it all is doing me so much good.

I am doing something that the former me would think was absolutely crazy, and maybe it is!  I have signed up for a 13 week Improv Class.  I'm introverted and fairly shy and I don't think I'm all that funny but who knows what will come of it.  Worst case scenario, I'm out 13 hours of my life and $130.  In the grand scheme, that is a tiny price to pay for something I might get something out of.

And I'm keeping my eyes open career-wise.  Although I love the city I live in, I'm not particularly tied to this location or this job.  There was a posting for a job that really interested me in Vermont but ultimately, I decided I just couldn't do Vermont so I'll keep my eyes open for the next opportunities.

So just wait and see what I make of myself.  I'm not passively sitting around waiting for life to happen.  I'm going to go out and find great things to do and be.