Yesterday I wrote in this blog, "Can it be possible that for every right decision I make to move forward, I feel more lost and out of place?" And it has resonated with me ever since the words fell onto the page.
Today, I did some research into what it would be like to join the PeaceCorps. What a crazy, out there idea to cross my mind! Not that joining the PeaceCorps is crazy but that I just don't see how it fits me at my age, with my health problems, with my preference for some comfort, with my loneliness being as far away from family as I am, etc. But there is something about it that so intrigued me. But I think it is an effort to latch onto anything I can as I flounder lost out at sea.
I don't know when I'm going to find my way. I don't know when I'm going to pull out of this funk that is trying to pull me to the darkness. But it's all really scary. I've never felt this lost before. I've never felt this unsure of myself. I've never felt so out of place.
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