Twice now in the last week or so I've come across something that tossed and turned in my brain as I tried to figure out the best path forward. Once it was related to a travel decision I had to make. Today it was something more connected to politics.
Each time as I sat at my kitchen table, I wanted to turn to someone. I wanted someone to talk it through with. I wanted someone to share in the decision making.
As it related to the travel decision, my ex-husband was someone who would step into that role. We made a lot of decisions together, a lot of great travel decisions, probably because our thinking was aligned. I eventually called my mom who was helpful in providing her own thoughts but she wasn't invested in the outcome of the decision so it wasn't quite the same. It all ultimately rested on me.
And then today, as I sat at my kitchen table, mulling over in my head the recent politics affecting social media and another mass exodus to a new platform, I wanted to turn to him to talk it through. But then I paused. He actually wasn't a good person to talk through controversial topics with. He shied away from anything where he knew we didn't already agree. He took disagreements about anything as criticism.
So it was this really weird moment when I realized I was missing him over something he actually never did even when we were together. I wonder if my glasses were so rose-colored I saw a relationship that didn't actually exist. If so, is it possible to actually miss him. Or do I just miss the potential of having a good partner?
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