Maybe I was Meant to Learn Things from Him

As I reflect on my ex-husband's passive approach to life - things happened to him vs him going out and making things happen, I wonder if he wasn't put in my life to learn what not to do.

I don't hope for a better 2025, I step into 2025 with skills ready to make something better of 2025.  It's my actions that will make 2025 a better year (and that didn't make 2024 as bad of a year as it could have been), not my fanciful hope.

I didn't just feel love for him hoping that feeling would stick around, I actively chose to love him and nurture that loving feeling.  That may seem like a subtle difference but it really is not.  It's the difference between letting the wind blow you wherever it might take you, good or bad vs actively setting your path and adjusting as the wind tries to push you one way or the other.  The former is never going to bring you happiness because you don't own your part in it, you don't invest in it.  The latter might not always be roses but you recognize what you can control and make the best of it.

Another example is that I have grown and matured over the years where he has stagnated.  Reflecting back on my adult years, I can clearly see three periods of significant growth.  I am not the same person today that I was 15 years ago.  I have evolved, matured, learned better communication and coping skills.  I'm not done by any means but I'm clearly on a journey progressing forward.  In comparison, my descriptions of my ex-husband today in journal writing are almost identical to my descriptions in the months leading up to our wedding.

And finally, he taught me how little external pleasures (material things, experiences, people, etc.) can create lasting happiness.  I used to watch him start researching the next car before the new one we had just bought had even been in the garage for a weekend.  It is a bit eye opening to see how fast he went through those moments of happiness before he returned to his generally miserable self.

So maybe sometimes people come into our lives to show us what not to do.  I'm going to keep deciding my future, growing, and finding my happiness from within.  And I'll be a happier person because of it.