My life has taken its fair share of twists and turns - job changes, complete career changes, moves across the country, divorce, etc. And in all of those cases except the divorce, there was lead up to the change. Countless decisions were made along the way such that the change wasn't a huge surprise even if it wasn't always exactly what I expected.
That's not the case with my divorce. A year ago today, I truly thought I was happily married. In April of last year, I was traveling with my then husband thinking everything was just fine between us. I encouraged him to take on more of the teaching assignments he enjoyed so much last spring knowing I would miss him the weeks he traveled but without a concern beyond that.
I think about the times I talked to people in choir and at work about how he was traveling and that it was nice to have a few days on my own but then I would start to miss him. And then that talk grew silent and at least two different people (one in choir and one at work) followed up and sensed something was off by my response.
There was no lead up, no evidence of a declining relationship, no increase in arguments, no change in communication. One day I was telling people how I was counting the days until he would be back from his work trip because of how much I missed him and the next day it was over.
So how do I flip that switch in my brain? If it can happen to me so abruptly like that, how do I lean into my resilience and pivot on a dime to something new?
No comments:
Post a Comment