Two weeks ago, I came home from work thinking we still had a chance. It had been an up and down summer filled with a lot of really great moments combined with some emotional discussions about us with a few calm divorce discussions peppered in - a strange state of being to exist in, especially since I felt distance.
I don't remember what he said that evening. I think it was just an off-hand comment. But it was one that clearly showed he still had his eye on the exit and he wasn't actually invested in working on us. I don't think there was ever a point this summer where he actually was invested in working on us. I think he was just stringing me along.
That night ended in bed with what felt (still feels) like a final decision that he wanted a divorce. He was done. I didn't sleep that night. I dropped him off at the airport very early the next morning for a trip he had been planning for some time now to spend two weeks with his mom.
That two week trip ends tomorrow. We have had very intermittent contact over the last two weeks with days often going by in silence. I've felt so much indifference from him in those interactions. He's taken steps to move forward with a divorce. I've taken steps to start protecting myself.
I don't know what man is coming home tomorrow. I don't know what to expect.
I feel like I have changed in two weeks. It's weird to watch change in your thoughts, feelings, attitude, etc. happen over such a short time period. These two weeks apart may have changed him as well.
I never imagined I would get to a point where I didn't know my husband.
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