My Journey

This blog started in mid to late July.  I kind of wish I had started it when things first started but at that point I had way too much hope to consider starting a "divorce" blog.  This morning before I got out of bed, my mind went through those earlier months this year trying to make sense of how I coped without a support network.

My ex-husband traveled a lot for work in the spring.  He spent at least 7 weeks (in 1-3 week trips) in a city out east teaching plus he took a trip with his family in February and another work-adjacent trip in New Orleans in May.  So it felt like we barely saw each other all spring.  I always used to enjoy a few days of me time when he traveled for work but would come to miss him when the days added up and last spring was no exception.  I remember feeling very happy when the threat of a government shutdown sent him home early for one of his trips.

But something felt different as he came home for those last trips.  It was in late May that he told me he was questioning our marriage.  I didn't tell anyone at first because I didn't want it to color our relationships with friends and family if we ultimately worked it out and I still had hope.

The summer was such a blur that I don't remember how many weeks I went before I finally told a couple close people.  And unfortunately, those first few people I told had limitations on how much they could help.  My parents live 12 hours away.  And the close friend I told had too much going on in her own life (and maybe a few insecurities of her own).  To be honest, when this all started, that is all I had - one close local friend who is half of what was a couples friend and family 12 hours away and of course, the now ex-husband who was the cause of my turmoil.

It wasn't until August that I really started expanding my social networking and finding more supports.

I don't know how I made it through those first weeks and months essentially alone.  I still don't have the close social network of people I'm truly comfortable with.  They are all still pretty new friends and I worry too much about burdening any one person.  So I still often feel quite alone.