Grief vs Fear

One thing that has surprised me is how complex negative emotions can be and how hard it can be to unwrap them so that I can find acceptance and healing.

When I feel grief, is that over the loss of my ex-husband as a person or is the loss over the life I made plans for or is it over a loss of who I thought I was and what I thought I believed?  Do I miss the man?  Or do I miss the life we created together?

And is it really grief or is it fear of an uncertain future?

I live in a time where women still make less than men and more often get passed over for promotions.  And that reality compounds the challenge of supporting oneself on a single salary with such a high cost of living, even in a fairly low cost state.

I live in a time when women can't trust men they don't know (and even many they do know).  The Gisèle Pelicot case in France is a prime example of that.  Over 80 men in a 30 mile radius (fairly rural area I understand) thought it was okay to rape an unconscious woman and it was all planned by the man she thought she could trust, her husband.  That is a lot of men who see women as property to be used for their pleasure!  Even before this case came to light, I felt a lot of fear at even the thought of entering the dating world.  

There's enough fear in loving and being hurt again even without the physical safety concern.  So then I contemplate what a life alone would look like which brings a whole different set of unknowns and fears with it.

So is it grief I feel?  Or fear?  Am I mourning what I used to have or fearing what the future will bring?  And how do I bring my focus back to living in the present?