Manipulation, an old conversation that crossed my mind

I had a conversation in August of 2024 with my ex-husband after we had separated but before we could move out into our own places.  I wrote about it here.  I don't know why it crossed my mind today but when it did I went searching for my in the moment thoughts on it.  I remember exactly where I was.  I was sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen counter when he sat down next to me.  He talked about all the resentment he had let build up for too long.  He actually apologized.  And then the conversation ended with me comforting him.

And although at the time, his vulnerability and raw emotions felt uncharacteristic of our marriage, in hindsight, I realize the conversation ended the same way every tough conversation ended, with me comforting him.

I felt relief afterwards.  I remember telling my mom that it felt like I had gotten some closure.  In reality, there was just familiarity to how it ended.

And then as the days passed afterwards, any positive effects I had attributed to that conversation slowly faded away as his actions didn't match the words he had told me that night, until all that was left of the conversation was a feeling of bitterness.

Ten days later, he sat across a table from me, stone cold emotionless as we divided assets and debts on a spreadsheet.  The care and concern of that earlier conversation had completely vanished.  I remember feeling such a disconnect at how we so cooperatively divided assets, debts, material possessions, etc. as if there were no emotions tied to any of it.  I even asked him why we couldn't apply the same cooperation to our marriage that we were applying to the dissolution of our marriage.  He had no answer.

In reality, that earlier conversation was just manipulation.  It's not like it was the first time, he performed vulnerability to manipulate me.  It was part of what got me attached so quickly in the dating stage.  If there was any sincerity to it, there would have been some connection to his actions that followed it.