Uptown Funk

I'm sitting at my kitchen table with the windows wide open eating a sandwich for dinner.  A DJ is playing music across the street at the brewery.  I was catching up on Threads when I realized I was well into the song "Uptown Funk."  I stopped reading to listen.

For so many years, he had me trained to immediately help him find the closest exit, the second the first beats of that song played.  But tonight I can just sit here, sink a little deeper into my chair, and take in the calm that I have created in my life.

I think this is what a regulated nervous system feels like.

• the quick exit at the sound of "Uptown Funk", 
• the never-ending complaining to out noise the barking dog,  
• the demand that I pay attention and agree with him as he aggressively responded to drivers he felt had wronged him, 
• the refusal to open windows on nice days because he couldn't stand the noise, 
• the hurrying to avoid the rain when I wanted to linger, 
• the constant closing of the blinds to keep the world out, 
• the sleepless nights in hotels that weren't quiet enough for him, etc.

My nervous system didn't stand a chance when we were together.  No matter how calm and grounded one person is, there is no way for one person to consistently regulate the nervous systems of two people.  He couldn't even regulate his nervous system with the basics of life.  He couldn't even handle a song he didn't like.