An anniversary reminder

Today would have been our anniversary.  This year it arrived quiet, a stark contrast from last year.  Last year was the first, though, after the divorce.  Although I handled it well last year by surrounding myself with friends who showered me with love (and flowers and wine and chocolate), probably more love than I ever received in my marriage.

This year it was just a quiet thought in the back of my head that followed me through the day.  I realize now that my wedding anniversary each year was of solo significance.  As the years added up, it was a measure of my loyalty and committment the fantasy of a life-long marriage.  It was a misplaced measure of my character.  It had very little to do with the man standing in front of me.

Despite the quiet reminder of what this day used to be in the back of my head, today was really about me.  On my walk in to work, I spent some time with two of the fledgling green herons.  It was the perfect way to start the day.

And then my work, although mentally exhausting, was incredibly meaningful as I spent 6 hours interviewing witnesses for what looks like an important case.  I have 16 pages of notes to clean up, which is overwhelming, but I think will be really helpful as my colleague continues with this investigation after I leave.  And it was a bonus to spend the day with two defense attorneys from Atlanta, both of whom I may actually interact with in the future in my new job and one of which who used to work in my new office.

For dinner I walked to a restaurant focused on crafting menus based on local ingredients.  I sat outside at a table on the sidewalk as I enjoyed good food and drink.  I lingered for a while enjoying the weather and activity of all the people downtown.

And now I'm working on plans for the move.  I've requested another quote from a moving company.  I brought home more boxes so I can do some more packing tonight.  I probably should set up my payment for my first Georgia Power bill.  Logistics like this may seem boring but they feel like movement to me, movement towards a dream.

So maybe what I need to take away from these quiet feelings about my anniversary is a renewed commitment to me and an appreciation for the amazing things that are coming out of all the ways I have been pouring into me since the divorce.  My character shines more brightly today with that commitment into myself than it ever did in my misplaced commitment in a relationship that shrunk and drained me.